Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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