he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
