my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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