I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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