I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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