can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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