I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
