We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
