Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
