What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
