Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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