girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
