i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
