I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
