apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
