remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
