you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
