It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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