Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
fuck your aforementioned shoe
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My vagina is officially offended.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
