im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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