one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
