You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
