His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
