Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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