4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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