please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
