What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
