omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
