never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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