You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
