i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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