8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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