He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
