I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
