i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
