There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
