He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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