Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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