I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
