Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
