my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
