I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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