I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Shame - the story of my life.
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