I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im six kinds of drunk right now
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
