I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
