I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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