Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
