you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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