Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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