Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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