He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
