oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
