she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
