He disabled his match.com account in front of me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
