I just pynch a tree in the face
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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