just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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